Been awhile

Well been awhile since I posted, not sure anyone cares or is out there listening. I am still a depressing read.

A few bright spots...

I am a really depressing read lol... But I actually have a couple bright spots to blog about. My friend and I are going to take a couple camera classes at Ritz Camera so that should be a blast! And I have been made a full fledged field investigator in my paranormal group! This really jazzed me a lot! I am looking forward to some future investigations soon! And with my new found camera skills it will be even better. WOOT! Also I have lost 10lbs on my diet which is great, lol only 100 more to go. I know I can do it but boy is it hard. I wish it came off as easy as it was to put on. Well back to work (boooo).

Life. Don't talk to me about life...

I think I have reached a point in my life where I am second guessing some of the choices I made along the way.
I would never change my personal life, my husband and kids are the greatest things in the world to me. Without them there really is no reason to get out of bed in the morning. I am talking about other things...
The first thing I would change is my choice of career. I worked really hard to get thru college and get to this point in my life and I have decided now that it is the last thing in the world I actually want to do. Well maybe not the last thing I am sure there are worse jobs, I have had a few, but being here in this job is killing my soul.
I dreamed I would be so far from this before I came to that point in my life that my need for money and stability outweighed my need to be happy.
I am sure there is something I could do to make me feel better about my life, drugs come to mind, no not those drugs... I mean Prozac or something like that...
I think another path I would not have taken would have been buying our house. Not only was it the worst time possible for us to buy a home, the home we settled for is not what I would have chosen. This was the lesser of all the evils I guess the saying goes.
We paid too much money for it, and the only thing that is good about it is the neighborhood. I think if we had just had some patience and held out a little longer we could have been in a better maintained house with less stuff to deal with i.e. trees, leaking showers, dated kitchen and bathrooms, wallpaper, old air conditioning unit, water heater etc...
I know my husband liked it, and I just wanted to make him happy, but I think that was the wrong thing to do, because I am miserable here and now our credit is so screwed from this place and other things that we are stuck here for what seems like will be forever. I don't know if we will ever be able to get the money back for it that we paid. The way the market is right now we will be lucky to break even. I guess I could stop whining about it and just deal with it, fix what I can and live with the rest of it, but it makes me sad when I walk into other peoples homes and I see how nice they are, I get depressed because I know I don't have the skill or the money to ever make my house look like theirs... maybe Prozac is a good idea.
I guess in the end I just need to deal with the fact that at this point I am sort of stuck in a job I hate and a home that isn't what I wanted...I mean I could win the lotto...but that isn't likely, so I guess I will keep dealing with it...someone pass the rum.

Traveling...

I am sitting in NY, after having travelled up from VA this weekend and boy am I sore still. My body is just not made to sit for that many hours anymore. Then on top of the driving pain, the gas pain is horrible! I cannot even believe the cost of gas on the way up! I was on the interstate and it was a toll road so you don't really want to get off unless it is your exit, so I looked at my gas tank and I was getting a bit low and I thought OK well maybe I will grab a few gallons at one of the rest stops. But I tell you not on my life was I paying $4.35 for a gallon of gas! So then I ended up driving for as long as I could and prayed that I would make it to a gas station off the interstate where the gas would be a little more reasonable! I did end up getting off at my exit and the first gas station I could get to was $4.15, which granted isn't fantastic but it sure was better than $4.35! I love how we flock to the gas stations with the cheapest gas to make sure we fill up before the price goes up a couple more cents, it is like a competition right now to make sure you get the cheapest gas. I know back home I got it for $3.92 before I left, but now I have to get to RI and I am so afraid I am going to have to get gas in Connecticut, which according to the gas map is one of the highest areas right now, that is next to Cali. I just don't know how we are going to make it thru this! I think if I had to drive to work everyday we would be absolutely broke.

I hate my Job...

I know everyone says this but I really do hate my job... actually I would say it is beyond hate for my job, I hate my career. I wish I could go back in time when I decided this was what I was going to do for the rest of my life and thought better of it.
I don't mind the company I work for, they are the same as any company, but I am a bit annoyed at the fact that I should have been changed from a PRN status to a FT status by now and I haven't so I still get no vacation time or sick time or any of the other extra bonuses of being a full fledged employee. I have been here over a year now, and I need a fucking vacation!!
One bonus I do get is the luxury of getting to work from home, but sometimes it is not as great as it would seem. I still work full time hours, and I still have to meet my productivity standards but people think if your sitting at home working you can goof off or do all this stuff you can't do at the office and in part this is true, i.e.: I can chat on the phone or search the Internet on my laptop without worry, but I also have to make sure I get my work done and I answer my emails and phone calls promptly or I am in big shit.
I LOVE my family, they are the reason I get out of bed in the morning, and some days I think if they were not here I probably wouldn't be either, but they don't seem to understand that what I do at home is the same as what I would have to do in an office and that means I can't stop every ten minutes to make something to eat or call some place or run out and pay a bill... I mean really can you just run out and pay bills and call all over the green earth to get something done when your at work?
I guess what it boils down to is I know everyone has fanciful dreams growing up of being someone that is special and unique and although I don't think I am nothing, I can't help but think I missed what ever boat it was I was suppose to get on in life. I feel like Arthur Dent some days, I feel as if something important is going on in the world and no one will tell me what it is...